Warning

This website is work in progress. I sent you a link to it because I ask you for your feedback. Please don’t share the link with anybody else until this warning has been removed. Luc.

Little Samuel fidgeting in bed

Sunday, October 31, 2021 (07:35)

“What are you fidgeting all the time, making the bed collapse?” (“Mis sa rapsid siin kogu aeg nii, et voodi variseb?”)

This is what my wife asked me 10 minutes ago. “Oops, sorry,” I said, “yes I am again wide awake, anyway I was about to get up so that at least you can sleep.”

Here we go for another story.

My sleep troubles started already many years ago. During our first years in Tallinn we had a cat, Cleo. And I am allergic to cats. It took us years before we realized that this was why I woke up every night. The cat left us a few months later, but my sleep habits remained. I have always been a morning guy, my metabolism is ready for action within minutes after waking up. Once I read that this might even be a hereditary disorder. But I don’t perceive it as a disorder because it doesn’t seriously disturb my life. Yes, it’s a bit annoying for social life, but it has advantages. As a software developer I am actually more efficient when I can work two hours in a row during the night, without worrying about the outside world. And then I use to say “When you wake up in the night, that’s because God wants to tell you something.” That’s inspired from little Samuel.

But during the last weeks God seems to have gone nervous, he is forcing himself on me.

After having realized yesterday morning that our sinod website is going to be rather “static” and that we won’t publish all stories there, I intensified my work on the msc website (which I had started some days ago with the plan of leaving it fully private to myself). I started to feel that this site might become an appendix to Estonia’s input to the Synod.

In the afternoon I had a Jitsi meeting with Stiiv. He is the first person to whom I spoke about my idea of publishing this msc website. One of the blog posts on this website was highly provocative. Stiiv made me realize that I must seriously avoid being provocative and offending. I want to be inspiring, not offending. After our meeting I reviewed that blog post completely, trying to say what I wanted to say, but without being offending. The result is now in Is the Church more than synodal?.

What will the Bishop say about my new website? What will the other members of the core team say? If only one of them refuses, what will I do? What if they feel offended by the mere fact that I am telling stories where they occur, in a context where it is rather impossible to remain anonymous? Will the Bishop make a full stop and recall me from my function as the Diocesan Contact Person? I am afraid of asking them.